Self-confidence may not be classified as an emotion, yet its impact on our emotions is undeniable. The way we perceive ourselves shapes how we feel, and in turn, our emotions influence how we present ourselves to the world. Confidence isn’t a feeling—it’s a state of mind, a deep belief in our worth and abilities that radiates through our attitude, energy, and presence.

Confidence can emerge in different ways. Sometimes, it’s sparked by emotions. A productive meeting with your boss or a heartfelt conversation with a friend can leave you feeling seen, valued, and capable. That validation shifts your physiology—you stand taller, smile more, and carry yourself with certainty and grace. Other times, confidence comes from within, unlocked by removing internal barriers. When you release limiting beliefs and self-doubt, what remains is the natural confidence that was always there.

Regardless of how it develops, confidence begins with self-awareness. Without it, you risk losing yourself in a version shaped by external expectations rather than your authentic self.

Through my own journey, I’ve learned how both internal and external influences shape self-confidence. Too often, we believe we must change—our appearance, our personality, or our behavior—to fit in, be accepted, or succeed. But true confidence isn’t about becoming someone else; it’s about fully embracing who we already are.

In my book Emotional Resonance Factor®: The Secrets to Owning Your Good Enough, I explore this transformation in depth, sharing personal experiences of self-discovery and the challenges of navigating self-worth in a world full of expectations. Below, I’ve included excerpts that illustrate this journey and the power of self-awareness in reclaiming confidence.

The Illusion of Fitting In

There was a time when I believed I had to become someone else to succeed.

“When I was a lawyer in Washington, DC, I distinctly recall working very hard to fit into the profession of law, a man’s world. I would spend my precious mornings before work straightening out my curly hair because I falsely believed my natural curls were too feminine. I would also wear pantsuits more often than I wanted to. I would spend an hour each morning reading the sports section of the news so I would have something to talk to my male colleagues and clients about even though I had no interest in certain sports. I knew about scotch and steakhouses and had the inside scoop on all the smokey cigar bars in DC.”

At the time, I thought I was being strategic—learning the unspoken rules of success in a male-dominated field. But I had no self-awareness to realize that these actions, while useful in some ways, didn’t reflect who I truly was.

“All those actions just made me feel fake and disingenuous and lost, pushing me further away from who I really was and continue to evolve to be. I felt lost and afraid, like I didn’t know who I was. This emotion left me feeling inauthentic and unfulfilled.”

For so long, I had been treating myself—and, by extension, other women—as if success required mirroring men. But at what cost?

In reality, as women professionals, we are already whole, capable, smart, and resourceful. Our value doesn’t come from mimicking what has worked for others—it comes from embracing who we are.

But owning our value can be terrifying. I know this because I’ve been there.

“I had the contents of this book completed four years prior to publication. I was afraid of owning my greatness and finding out more about myself by releasing this book. I was concerned about what others may think of me as they read the first part of this book. I was afraid of really being of value and successful, too.”

And yet, the only way forward is through.

This is where Michelangelo’s wisdom comes in.

Removing the Excess to Reveal the Truth

Michelangelo once said that his sculptures were already complete, placed there by God. His job was simply to remove the excess.

“So where is your excess that can be removed to unearth your beauty and amazing self? While getting to know yourself, warts and all, can initially seem tremendously discomforting, doing so will give you immense freedom when you realize you have so much worth and don’t need to be perfect to own your good enough.”

We no longer have to shape ourselves to fit in, to be liked, or to conform to an external mold. Confidence isn’t about becoming someone else—it’s about uncovering who you already are.

“You’re free to be yourself because the beautiful you that you already are is perfect and whole and good enough for all of us. Your emotions will be freely available to you and to others as you choose. You will be happier and healthier and more successfully fulfilled.”

By stepping into self-awareness, we also step into freedom. And that freedom allows us to be more accepting of ourselves and others, cultivating relationships, opportunities, and abundance in a way that is aligned—not forced.

“From this special place of being, you attract others who are open and resonate with a creative, diverse, and thoughtful approach to life that includes equity, inclusion of others, and engendering feelings of belonging. This out-of-the-box thinking promotes flexibility and an ability to pivot and trust, allowing life to alter your course for the better.”

And isn’t that the life we all truly want?

Owning Who You Are

Finding out who you are and putting yourself out into the world authentically is not just possible—it’s your right.

“You were put on earth to thrive and have better and easier relationships, communications, decision-making, successful careers and businesses, lower stress, higher self-confidence with more money, abundance, and prosperity. You are worthy of an easy, fun, happy life, exactly as you want it to be.”

The question isn’t whether confidence is an emotion or a state of mind. The real question is: Are you ready to let go of everything that isn’t you and allow your confidence to shine?

You are already enough. Get my book Emotional Resonance Factor®: The Secrets to Owning Your Good Enough that shows you why.