I grew up with a perfectionist, immigrant mother, which led me to believe I should be a perfectionist, too. This mindset served me well as a lawyer—until one day, it no longer did. As a recovering perfectionist, I now look back at the notions of “trying” and “failing” as options that were simply not allowed in my life. Let’s explore what it means to try, feel like you’ve failed, and adopt a new perspective—iteration.

Why Trying Feels Like Failing

Perfectionism often feels like an all-or-nothing game because, deep down, our real goal is to avoid our biggest fear: failure.

I’ve come to realize that perfectionism isn’t just about doing things perfectly—it’s about being perfect. For me, being perfect meant being worthy of love. I believed that if I did everything flawlessly, I would be good enough. But in reality, I wasn’t striving for perfection—I was running from failure.

Here’s the deal: trying doesn’t work because the word, “trying”, itself implies uncertainty. It lacks groundedness, focus, and action. For most people, trying feels like being stuck, in limbo. That’s exactly how my clients describe it. And by feeling stuck, you avoid action altogether, protecting yourself from failure.

The Power of Iteration Over Trying

Trying feels like effort without guaranteed progress. In many cases, it leads to no progress at all.
Iteration, on the other hand, is about learning, improving, and evolving through action. Look at the tech industry—it thrives on iteration. Companies constantly test, adjust, tweak, and improve their products.

For example, my new iPhone 16S has gone through countless iterations. I don’t love the new camera feature, but does that mean Apple should have stopped iterating out of fear that users might not like it? Of course not. How would Apple know what works if they didn’t iterate?

You can iterate, too. Just like the tech industry, you are evolving every moment. Your personal growth and career shifts are simply new versions of you.

Shifting the Mindset: From Trying to Iterating

What if your latest version isn’t ideal? That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Iteration is an ongoing process, not a final destination.

While some may argue that trying is better than doing nothing, iteration is an even more powerful mindset for success and fulfillment. Recovering perfectionists grow by taking small, intentional steps forward—by iterating instead of striving for perfection.

4 Practical Steps to Embrace Iteration

Where should you start? Here are four practical steps to help you shift from trying to iterating:

• Start small: Choose one area of your life or work to iterate on. Make sure it excites and motivates you.
• Reframe mistakes: See missteps as data points, not failures. Just like Apple analyzes each iPhone version, you can learn and refine your approach.
• Seek feedback: High-quality feedback provides valuable insights and boosts confidence. Be brave and ask for it—each version of yourself improves with constructive input.
• Let go of “perfect”: Stay self-aware and focus on progress, not perfection. Progress is measurable, attainable, and fulfilling. Perfection is not.

Embrace Progress Over Perfection

Your goal in life shouldn’t be to try—it should be to iterate. If the tech industry can constantly improve an inanimate object like a phone, you can do the same for yourself.

Shift your perspective from perfectionism to progress and growth. Perfectionism leaves you feeling unworthy, not good enough, and lacking. But progress and iteration bring confidence, clarity, and peace.

Success and fulfillment lie in your process and progress, not just in your outcome.

If this message resonated with you, take your growth even further with my latest book, Emotional Resonance Factor®: The Secrets to Owning Your Good Enough—available now on Amazon.