This article was first published in the ABA Law Practice Division Webzine  in August 2026”.

“Excuse me. I’m so sorry to bother you. Would you like to hire me as your lawyer?”

“Sorry to interrupt. I’m just wondering if this is a good time to discuss my raise.”

Neither sentence is something you would say out loud. But some version of both is being said, by lawyers at every level, more often than the data would suggest is rational. This is the Apology Tax. And over a 10-year legal career, it costs the individual lawyer $500K or more in cumulative earnings. It costs the firm an equivalent amount in lost revenue per senior lawyer who never closes the gap.

The Problem

Women lawyers are statistically underpaid relative to male colleagues at comparable revenue levels. The gap is not a competence gap. It is a negotiation positioning gap.

Most lawyers negotiate their value using an apology frame rather than a business case. They lead with gratitude instead of data. They over-explain before making the ask. They soften the proposal to preserve the relationship rather than stating terms. The result is a negotiation that starts in deficit before the other party says a word.

This is not a gender problem. It is an economics problem. The Apology Tax shows up across gender lines. Male lawyers pay it too, in the form of under-claiming credit, hedging proposals, and defending fees they should be holding. The pattern differs in frequency, not in kind.

As a young lawyer, you have not yet accumulated the billing history or client relationships that make this pattern expensive in the short term. That changes. The lawyers who close the gap early are the ones who do not spend a decade building the wrong negotiating habits at compounding cost.

What the Apology Tax Looks Like in Practice

It isn’t one mistake. It’s a cluster of small habits that individually seem harmless and collectively cost you $500K.

Start with this: count how many sentences you speak before stating what you want in any fee or compensation conversation. If the answer is consistently more than two, that pattern alone is costing you money.

Most lawyers who track this for two weeks find two or three places where the habit is most expensive. Those are the places to fix first.

The Fix

Most lawyers treat a fee conversation as a moment to justify themselves. It isn’t. It’s a moment to present terms.

The difference sounds like this:

Apology frame: “I know this might seem like a lot, but given everything I’ve done on this matter, I was hoping we could discuss…”

Business frame: “My fee for this scope is X. Would you like to proceed?”

One invites negotiation before the other party has said a word. The other doesn’t.

The diagnostic question for any negotiation is the same: are you presenting terms, or asking for permission?

The $500K gap is not inevitable. It is a measurement problem. Measure it, and it becomes solvable.

This is not empowerment. It is economics.

Katy Goshtasbi is a former securities attorney (SEC, top DC firm, 18+ years) who paid The Apology Tax during her own legal career. She now works with law firms and senior lawyers to close the $500K negotiation gap before it costs the firm its best talent. Former Chair of the ABA Law Practice Division and author of three books, including one for the ABA.