“This article was first published in the ABA Law Practice Division Webzine on January 15, 2026”.

The holiday season can seem so busy for us that by the time January rolls around, we are often a combination of: exhausted, hopeful, rested and oftentimes ….lonely.  This is true no matter your practice area or career trajectory.

I liken January to the experience I’ve had when a loved one gets married or passes: there’s a rush of activity with lots of guests in town over a short period of time.  There’s no time to process emotions or feelings.  It’s just a flurry of activity.  

Then all of a sudden, the event passes, guests depart and it gets very quiet.  That’s the time when we can experience deep loneliness because there’s all this space for our emotions and feelings.  The rush of the adrenaline is gone and we are left alone with our thoughts and past experiences.  Sometimes for me, the thoughts are refreshing and a calming stroll down memory lane.  Other times, they are painful and constricting.  

January can feel like this for many of us as we search for a new beginning in our practices and lives.  Let’s talk about loneliness and how to leverage it for success in 2026 starting now.

What is loneliness?

Loneliness is often defined as “an emotional state resulting from a perceived gap between one’s desired and actual social connections.”  

Left unchecked, loneliness has real health consequences that can and will keep us from our practice.  These health challenges include depression, mental health challenges, cognitive impairment, personality disorders and suicide.

Let’s break down loneliness using the definition.

Emotional State:  Anytime we choose to feel lonely, we are experiencing an emotion.  That emotion can be anything like anger, sadness, fear, guilt, shame, or hurt.  

Perceived: Your perception is your reality.  What you choose to see as real for you in the moment, including any negative emotions and gaps between what you want and what you have, are how you are experiencing your reality.  This includes interactions with your clients, colleagues, associates, bench, bar and family.  

Connections: Connection is the feeling of being seen, understood, heard and valued.  

How to use loneliness as a tool to create a magnificent 2026 starting now.

Based on the definition we just broke down, here are three steps to take in order to create a magnificent new beginning to 2026, personally and professionally.

Step 1: Be in charge of your emotional state

This process is asking you to reflect and build up your muscle associated with being more emotionally intelligent.  Emotionally intelligent people win.  Always.  As an emotionally intelligent lawyer, you will make more money, attract better clients and opportunities, stress less and live a more authentic, happy life.  

The good news is that emotions are merely data giving you information about what’s transpiring in your life.  Emotions are your energy in motion. Emotions are transitory and will pass, even those negative emotions that feel they will linger forever.  How?

For most of us, we tend to try to escape what doesn’t feel good.  My personal favorite escape route used to be excessive eating and shopping as a means to flee my negative emotions.   But those excessive activities never made my negative emotions go away- they just increased my anxiety because I knew the negative emotion was still there and that I had to face it at some point.    On top of that, I now was feeling shame (another negative emotion) for overeating and overshopping. 

Try this: Pick one day, ideally a weekend day when you are not so rushed.  Find a spot to sit.  A spot in nature would be ideal.  Close your eyes, take three deep breaths and look inward for any negative emotions in that moment.  When you find one, don’t run from your negative emotions  by keeping your head buried in your work, drinking, overeating, or doing anything to excess.  What you resist, persists.  Stay very self-aware of how you feel and notice if you were triggered by an event that caused you to feel that particular negative emotion.  Then just sit with the negative emotion some more.  I promise you have done harder things, including going to law school.  The longer you sit with it, the more you will notice the negative emotions subsiding.  Now you are in control.  Keep doing this and build your muscle for success.  

Step 2: Change your perceptions

The key to allowing your emotions to pass with grace so you can stay focused, congruent and in action is to realize that you are choosing a particular perception inducing lack in that moment.  To me, this knowledge is very empowering because I get to choose again.  As lawyers we do some version of this at work everyday when we are analyzing the law.  

For example, if you compare yourself to someone with whom you went to law school and think that they have a better career, job, family and overall life, this comparison may trigger a sense of sadness or shame leaving you feeling you lack connections in your life.  Here’s where you can stay self aware and reframe this sense of lack and perceive it as a challenge or opportunity to choose to see the situation differently.  Maybe you deliberately chose your practice area and practice setting to align with your talents, strengths or desires?  Maybe you are getting out of a relationship (personal or professional) and are using the time to ground, regroup and come back stronger?  Regardless, you have an opportunity to be empowered by how you choose to view the situation. 

Try this: Stay self-aware and anytime you feel a negative emotion based on a perceived gap between what you want and what you have, know that you are empowered to choose a new interpretation thereby narrowing the gap.  Start with something small and build your muscle with this skill over time.  

Step 3: Choose connection

Connections happen when we have relationships that are meaningful to us individually.  As I explain in my latest book, when we are lonely we are really craving connection.  The first connection you crave is connection with yourself, whether you know it or not.  

As I share in my latest book, Emotional Resonance Factor®, “[w]hen you elicit, master and activate your emotional resonance, connecting with anyone is easier, more natural, and effective. You just show up and people are attracted to you.” 

Try this: Look to pets and animals for connection.  They are often a natural gateway to connection because they give unconditional love.  To gain connection, you can also give to others who may be in need, whether that’s a charity or a fellow lawyer struggling with something.  When you give, you become empowered and feel the oneness with the world that we all inhabit. 

Wherever you are in your practice journey, know that you are not alone. Loneliness is a real challenge for everyone, especially when we ignore it and the ensuing emotions.  Confronting, sitting with, and making peace with your emotions signaling loneliness will boost your emotional intelligence, allowing you to emotionally resonate better with your world.  The results include you feeling more like yourself, sleeping better, and stepping into the new year empowered, knowing that you are setting yourself up for a fresh, thriving practice congruent with your soul.  

Katy Goshtasbi is a former investment management attorney turned coach to high performing leaders and lawyers.  She is a featured keynote speaker on the topic of emotional intelligence and leadership.  Her latest book is “Emotional Resonance Factor®:The Secrets to Owning Your Good Enough.” She is a former Chair of the ABA Law Practice Division where she founded the ABA Lawyer Retreat.  She lives in San Diego where Katy and her husband founded Josie’s Home, a nonprofit devoted to aging dogs, seniors, and aged-out foster youth.