My Cancer’s Revelations

My breast cancer journey led me to many places. Feeling weak and useless wasn’t one of them.

Well, at first when I was diagnosed that’s how I felt. Can’t lie to you.

BUT, as time went on and I had treatment AND really got to exploring who I am now, something super interesting happened…..

I came to realize a few HUGE things about myself and about all of us human beings:

1. Asking for help is ok: I needed real help after my mastectomy. I mean, I couldn’t even get out of bed at first. That was humbling. I couldn’t shower by myself for a while, let alone drive. I came to realize that asking for help brings you closer to your world and your divinity. It wasn’t easy at first. But I had no choice. Try it out.

2. Do what your heart desires: Not only is asking for help allowed, but doing what you desire is ok. As I healed, I came to realize that I didn’t want to (or need to) please others. When people would ask me to do something with them, I often responded with: “Thanks for asking. I’ll have to sit on that and think it over. Please make plans without me and if I do join, then that will be great.” I felt freedom and a deep emotional connection with the other person. No one ever walked away and got offended. Instead, they felt my deep presence, thought and regard to their invitation.

3. Vulnerability does not equal weak: Most of us think that if we ask for help or say “no” then we are acting weak and exposing ourselves, thereby being vulnerable. I discovered just the opposite. The more I genuinely asked for help and did what my heart desired, the more powerful and strong I became. Amazingly, my strength and power started spreading to those around me, too.

4. I’ve got your back. I’m not your caretaker: During my recovery period, the more people I asked for help the more I realized there is a big difference between supporting others and being there for them versus waiting hand and foot on others. During my recovery, I often heard my husband say to me, “I’m right here if you need me, but you’ve got to practice bending over and picking up your socks by yourself.” He was encouraging me to move past my old limitations and practice getting stronger and more able. There’s a big difference between literally waiting hand and foot on others versus making sure you are supported/supporting others. It’s way harder to support and encourage, I’ve discovered. Why? Because I could see the pain and sadness on my husband’s face when he had to stop himself from doing what I needed to do for myself.